(1) Lucky lucky me


During my last therapy session, I said I’ve been really happy lately. 

It’s true… 


Throughout my past years of therapy, my therapist repeatedly told me that I need to see my feelings “as it is”.

To see something as it is…

It’s hard and I’m still working on it 


After looking back on my life “as it is”, I realized I wasted a lot of time on making (mostly fake) sad narratives about myself (WHY?? Why did I enjoy being in fake misery?). I thought I was living in my imagination/thoughts to escape from my (allegedly) unhappy reality (and there were some hard times, I won’t discredit my feelings from the past), but I’m starting to see that my reality wasn’t so terrible after all. In fact, I’ve been extremely lucky to have all the great people around me and the life I have. 


I don’t think I have a lot of control over things that are happening around me/happen to me. But maybe that’s not true? I think my free will is powerful in my own world, and sometimes it bleeds into the bigger world (people being nice to me, giving me opportunities, etc), but I also can’t change a lot of things upside down. All this to say, I’ve been purely lucky for a while and I really felt it this year. 


Of course there are anxieties about the future/unknown, grief, war, dying people, and dead people. I feel guilty saying that I’m happy, lucky, etc. Then I remember it’s not about me or my guilt (the focus shouldn’t be me me me I want to stop thinking about me) (but what else can I say ???). I want to be a full “one serving” at a time, by bearing witness and Doing, doing the most I can do.


WHATEVER IS ON THE WAY I’LL CONTINUE LIVING….. 



(2) Birthday


My birthday was really special! I got multiple cakes and did karaoke!

But it also felt like any other fun & lovely friend hangout!

More karaoke to come because we didn’t get through the list!




bday collage

When I say I’m lucky it’s really all about these people…

T.T Thank you, I’m really happy to be here


This past week I had a magical experience of running into friends many times! also dreaming about/with them! How can I not feel the romance of spring!



(3) More to think about


“But on the other hand, if you think about the "laptop music" style of performance that is currently in vogue, you might notice there could be a problem, even if the music sounds good, with watching a person sitting in front of a computer and operating a mouse and keyboard. It is just too depressingly similar to what hundreds of millions of workers have to do from nine to five at the office. When evening comes, and we go to the concert, we might like to experience something different, something vis-ceral, something that is a direct result of muscular energy. We might like the relief of something zany and crazy. As Antonin Artaud said, there are plenty of people in the real world with two arms and two legs; in the theater we would like to see creatures with three.”